Friday, August 15, 2008

Top Ten Olympic Sports We Can Do Without

It seems like every night this week there has been Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh on my TV in their skimpy outfits playing another volleyball match. Beach volleyball is an Olympic sport? O.K., but do I have to watch it every night? How many matches does it take to win the medal? They've only won 105 straight matches. Why not give them the gold and let everyone else play for silver and bronze while we watch the more modestly clad swimmers do their stuff.

Here is my Top Ten Lists of Olympic Sports We Can Do Without:
  1. Beach Volleyball. Anything that requires 17,000 tons of imported sand worth $1.2 million should probably be left at the beach.
  2. Table Tennis. Forest Gump made it seem cool, but why aren't they showing it in primetime?
  3. Bicycle road race. Without all the colorful sponsors on the jerseys, and the lack of team tactics, who cares? How about team time-trialling instead?
  4. Sailing. Anything relying on natural forces should probably be left up to mother nature.
  5. Handball. I remember my dad playing this when I was a kid, but does anyone still play this? In front of an audience?
  6. Trampoline. Oh, do I even need a reason?
  7. BMX. Isn't that what the X-games are for?
  8. Badminton. Anything requiring 'birdies' should be left in the back yard.
  9. Field Hockey. I've never seen this played, but I imagine there is a reason for that.
  10. And finally, Basketball! Watching overpaid US pros stomp on powerhouses like Greece and Angola didn't make prime time. Why not?
To fill the void, lets bring back tug-of-war, which was last contested at the Olympics in 1920. And let's use the political leaders and their top staff. Now that would be prime time material! Especially if they wore skimpy swim suits!


brenda said...

Mike LOVES the olympics. I can never get him to sit down and watch Lost, or the Office, or any of the handful of shows I enjoy. But beach volleyball? He loves it! Berkeley is scared off by the bikinis though. I could understand if they were somehow necessary to the sport--but the male volleyball players in tank tops prove that you can actually hit a ball while wearing a shirt. Amazing.

I love your top 10. I didn't even know about some of those "sports."

Neil said...

Great list. Last time they had cross-country running was 1924- go figure. Rope climbing would of been interesting if it was a really long rope. Thankfully solo-synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics are things of the past.

Imagitext said...

I bet the women in 750BC wore more clothes when they competed than those crazy Americans. And why don't we just hand out olive wreaths anymore? Wouldn't be as expensive.

Eldon and Janeil Olsen said...

I worry about Dad watching that beach volleyball. It's practically indecent!


Anonymous said...

The line between amateur and professional has become so blurred in the last few Olympics that MORE than 10 events could be left out, however badminton is a serious sport in Asia, for one, and attracts legitimate amateurs. Same with table tennis. Beach volleyball certainly could go. Cycling? All pros. A college amateur wouldn't stand a chance against an EPO powered peloton. And basketball is a joke, it's all pro. But do you know any pro swimmers, rowers, runners or field athletes? Sure, some are state sponsored, but no Nike is going to put down millions for a professional rowing league. And track cycling, in it's last year, is pure amateur sport, unlike mountain cycling, road cycling and BMX. For my money the college world series is where good baseball is played, college level cycling, swimming, water polo, and track & field. Beyond that level the pro money has wrecked everything. College fooball is so close to the pro teams, they ought to fund the entire college football league system and quit living the amateur hipocrisy that they've maintained for so many years. Well, I could go on,...